Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Applications

Dear Kwame Brown,

Thank you for applying to be on my fantasy basketball team. I have taken into consideration many factors while making this decision, but I believe I have made the correct one:

No way. Uh-uh. I’m not buying it. I’ve followed your career too long and too close to get fooled again. Sure, you’ve gotten some nice run the past few games in place of Chris Mihm, topping the 35 mpg mark that usually makes players relevant fantasy-wise. And yeah, you’ve been not-too-terrible in those 5 games you started, going for 9.4 and 7 on 61% shooting. And perhaps best of all, you qualify at center, making pedestrian numbers like that worth looking at. But here’s a secret that I know about you. You might not like me letting it out, but I’ve got a responsibility here, so here goes:

You’re a terrible basketball player.

There, I said it. You have no concept of how to play defense. People blame your small hands for all the turnovers, but the real problem is that you don’t know what to do with the ball when you get it. You’ve managed to actually regress from the free-throw line, and now you’re averaging a Ben Wallace-esque 54% from the field. Unfortunately, that’s the only Wallace-esque thing about you. You’re completely allergic to blocks and steals. In fact, of the 43 guys who qualify at center on ESPN, you’re 34th in blocks per 48 minutes. That’s just not good. The steals aren’t there either.

Good luck on your further pursuits as a fantasy basketball contributor.

Sincerely,

BV

Dear Mike Dunleavy,

Thank you for applying to be on my fantasy basketball team. Much like NBA GM’s, I can’t help but be intrigued by a dude who’s 6-9, can pass and rebound, and will step out to shoot the three pointer when prodded. Unlike NBA GM’s, and Golden State GM’s in particular, I will not be suckered into giving you a stupid amount of money and a long-term deal. And luckily, I don’t have to. In most leagues, you been sitting on waiver wires for most of the year (and rightly so), and can be had for pennies.

Because of your small price, and you recent hot streak, I am willing to accept your application and place you on my team on a provisional basis. You will be placed on the bench, where you will stay until you have proven your consistency. I do not have extra games to use on risks like you. However, if you maintain your hot streak for another 2 games or so, particularly focusing on your threes, I may give you some run in my Utility spot.

I’ll be blunt, Mr. Dunleavy. I don’t like you. I haven't liked you since your days as a Blue Devil. I think you are incredibly overrated, and if your name wasn’t Dunleavy, and you didn’t go to Duke, you would have been a late first round pick rather than the No. 3 overall back in 2002. I hope you enjoy your time sitting on my bench – at the end of it.

Sincerely,

BV

4 Comments:

Anonymous toeknee said...

seems like kwame read your article before the game versus the kings =P

6:36 AM  
Blogger Jeremy said...

Heh...I was going to mention the same thing about Kwame.

Real quick...what do you guys think about the Sammy Dalembert situation. He obviously wants to play more and can be the more effective big man for Philly. I'd assume that Philly wants to fight it out and maintain the final playoff birth...shouldn't they play the best players to ensure this?

Anyways, if Dalembert can get back to his 10/10/3 like he was earlier in the year then I would be estatic. He ought to be starting and I hope that Mo Cheeks figures is out...but will he?

Also, what is your take on Jumaine Jones. He had a nice little stint filling for Wallace and now has continued to start with Okafor out, but was replaced in the starting lineup for the last few games by Bernard Robinson. What do you take of this. I was really hoping that Jones would maintain his "hot" streak...not meaning that he was hot shooting, but that he was producing ~20 points, 6 rebs and 3 3ptm per game. Anyways, will he still average 30+ minutes per game, cause I'm sure he'll shoot enough to be effective if he gets that PT, even from the bench.

Thx...and I'm out.

1:00 PM  
Blogger bv said...

For whatever reason, Kwame Brown LOVES playing against the Kings. His greatest game of his career came against sacramento when he was with the wizards, when he scored 30-some points and looked absolutely dominant. we'll see if he cracks 20 again this year.

Dalembert, well...i dunno. it doesn't make sense ... but it's also not the first time this has happened to him. it's a total guessing game.

Jumaine belongs in your starting lineup if only because of his threes. I'd imagine he'll still get those 30 mpg, or at least close enough to it to maintain value.

2:11 PM  
Anonymous Andy said...

I grudgingly dropped Dalembert a few weeks ago, and I'm glad I did (since I picked up C. Wilcox to replace him). He is averaging a paltry 14 mpg in March, Hunter (who Mo Cheeks seems to love) has played well for the most part, and Dalembert is now whining to the media about his playing time. It looks like a bad situation.

I'm not picking him up again unless he sees at least 20 minutes in three consecutive games and manages to put up some stats while doing so.

2:58 PM  

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